“If Marriage is Not Working”
By ALABI Qozim Diekola (MCPN)
Marriage is a sacred institution that brings two individuals together in love, trust, and companionship, as emphasized in the Quran: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)” (Quran 30:21).
However, when the relationship becomes dysfunctional, it can lead to unbearable stress, anxiety, and even violence.
As a society, we must acknowledge that not all marriages are meant to last, and it’s essential to prioritize the well-being and safety of both partners. The Quran reminds us that “it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your gifts except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah” (Quran 2:229).
Tolerance and Trust:
The Foundations of a Healthy Marriage is trust.
For a marriage to thrive, both partners must cultivate tolerance and trust. Tolerance allows us to accept each other’s differences, flaws, and imperfections, as Allah says: “And indeed, with hardship comes ease” (Quran 94:5). Trust enables us to rely on each other, feel secure, and build a strong bond.
When these foundations are weak or absent, the marriage becomes vulnerable to conflicts, resentment, and abuse. The Quran warns us against mistreating our spouses: “Live with them in kindness, even if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good” (Quran 4:19).
The Dangers of Abuse:
Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, and financial. It’s essential to recognize the warning signs of abuse, such as:
– Control and manipulation
– Emotional blackmail
– Physical violence
– Verbal insults and put-downs
– Financial exploitation
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. The Quran emphasizes the importance of justice and fairness in all aspects of life, including marriage: “O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor” (Quran 4:135).
Separation: A Better Option than Violence
When a marriage becomes unbearable, separation may be the best option. While it’s not an easy decision, it’s often better than staying in a toxic relationship that can lead to physical or emotional harm. The Quran permits divorce as a last resort: “And if you fear that they may not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives something for her freedom” (Quran 2:229).
The tone you use with your spouse has the power to either uplift or undermine your relationship. Even in the midst of disagreement, speaking gently can be a game-changer, fostering understanding, respect, and empathy.
Harsh words, on the other hand, can leave lasting scars, damaging the fabric of your marriage. But a calm and kind approach can invite resolution, peace, and reconciliation.
As Muslims, we are reminded of the importance of treating our families with kindness and compassion. Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families.” (Tirmidhi).
By speaking gently to our spouses, we embody this prophetic teaching and strengthen the love and bond in our marriage. So, let us strive to communicate with kindness, empathy, and understanding, even in the most challenging moments.
In conclusion, marriage requires togetherness effort, commitment, and understanding from both partners. When a marriage is not working, it’s essential to prioritize tolerance, trust, and communication. If abuse is present, seeking help is crucial. Separation may be a difficult decision, but it’s often better than staying in a harmful relationship.
Let’s work together to build stronger, healthier relationships that promote peace, harmony, and mutual respect.
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